Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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