Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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