I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
