Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
