Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
