if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Floor bacon is actually really good
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
