Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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