I need to stop coming to work sober
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
