And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
