You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
