Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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