never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
