we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
