Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
