I'd wear matching sweaters with you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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