i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
