can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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