Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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