Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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