She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
