I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want her autograph on my taint
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
