I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
