Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
