i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
