yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
