As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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