He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
