barbara walters just said penis...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's the barista slut.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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