I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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