More tranny stories later!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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