Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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