How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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