The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
