I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
