My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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