Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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