Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
