I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
