plz talk dirty to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
