How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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