normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize