they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
