non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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