Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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