We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
