I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
