I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
