how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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