youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
