i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
