If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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