Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
