Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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