It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
