i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if only i could text you this smell
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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