You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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