i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
