News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
