he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
