last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
