I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
