And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
