rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
