She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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