Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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