You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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