I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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