i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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