saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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