i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
