eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
