you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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