Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
