I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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