im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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