Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
